Friday, March 23, 2007

Carbon Offsets Can Be Yours, Buy Some Before Al Gore Gets Them All. Here's How

Think of the polar bears you'll be saving from the horrors of global warming!

Do you feel guilty for driving that big, gas-guzzling SUV? Flying around the world on your private jet? Living in a 10,000 square foot mansion? Using 20 times as much energy as the average American? Or maybe you're a Hollywood celebrity, an Oscar winner even.
I have a better idea than buying "flatulence cards" (see the previous post) to offset your carbon footprints. Send money to me, and I will use it to install fluorescent bulbs in my home, install solar panels on my roof for electricity, solar heating for my swimming pool, and I'll even try to install a windmill for even more clean energy. My neighbors might not like that much, but to heck with them. It'll be good for the environment. I'll even put ethanol in my car, though I'm not sure how much good that will do, but every little bit helps, right?

Now by helping me reduce my energy usage, which I couldn't afford to do otherwise, you will have the satisfaction of knowing you are reducing your carbon footprint. I promise you will sleep better at night knowing you're helping to stop global warming and make the lives of your children better. Of course you will receive a certificate of appreciation suitable for framing (a receipt). Leave your email address and I will tell you how to make your monetary contribution. You will probably also be entitled to a tax credit from the Federal and maybe State Governments. Talk to your tax attorney for more details.

Remember, the more you give........the more you receive! Act now, before it's too late.


Anonymous said...

I've got a better idea to help offset my carbon footprint.. I'll send you my cat.

Anonymous said...

Gore's personal carbon offsets are purchased by the company he co-founded, Generation Investment Management, a London based, employee-owned investment firm.

GIM pays to offset the personal emissions of all its 23 employees, including Gore's. David Blood is the firm's other co-founder.

Yup.. Blood and Gore.. sounds kinda catchy, huh?