In the latest secret information, leaked from highly classified sources only to me, this photo emerged of a US Navy nuclear submarine rescuing polar bears in the warming Arctic Ocean. An unidentified observer from the Worldwide Global Warming Defense Agency claimed the bears were suffering from what he called "post-traumatic stress" caused by the shrinking Greenland glaciers. He claimed this is just one more example of how the climate is warming and how desperate the situation really is. The environmental expert further said, "cost is not a concern when it comes to saving polar bears."
Crew members could be seen weeping with relief as the bears were hoisted aboard ship, and given bowls of warm milk. The expert from the Global Warming Agency was heard saying, "thank goodness the Navy is finally doing something worthwhile."
Navy Commander I.M. Simple released this photo of a polar bear cub the crew of the submarine named Nancy, after the new US Speaker of the House. Isn't she cute?
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In a related story, a record number of arctic seals have been spotted off the coast of Greenland.
One observer, a lifelong resident of a neighboring town, noted, "They're all just frolicking around, splashing in the water together. Look how they're slapping each others flippers up in the air." Shaking his head in bewilderment, he added, "In all my years, I've never seen anything like it."
His seven year old daughter danced around him beaming, "Daddy! Look how happy the pretty little seals are!"
Are you saying global warming might actually be good for the seals? We're going to have to choose between seals and polar bears? That seems so unfair anc cruel.
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